Change in music.....

...About time I think!

This track is called "A heavy price paid"

It's one of those pieces of music that makes me feel quite reflective!

I've got the X-Factor!!

No, I clearly haven't, but I'm not alone.

Now I'm not a big fan of TV like this, it's cheap and by getting the "Sheeple" of the UK to vote every week, this country is hell-bent on commissioning series after series of this utter rubbish.

Having said that, I will now contradict myself, strangely I am drawn to it, like a moth to a flame, just simply because it gives us a broad view of the extent of the psychological problems of a significant proportion of people in this country, I don't care about the winner, but I do care about the mental state of some of the early participants.

I've got nothing against talent, in fact I'm truly jealous of people that have artistic flair but why do the entrants families insist on lining up sons and daughters for a hard fall when they have no talent of any kind? Do these parents, brothers, sisters look at the likes of say, Madonna and say "Yes my daughter/sister etc is just like her" if nothing else it shows quite clearly that mental illness runs in the family.

So why do these people want to stand in front of Cowell and Co and humiliate themselves? I mean you can really see it, in their eyes that they SERIOUSLY believe they can be the next big thing, but the majority are subjected to abuse (part of the entertainment factor) Why not just say "no, you're not what we're looking for" and leave it at that, why shatter the already and obviously fragile, personalities of some of these ‘contestants’? We have become a nation of Schadenfreude beings, that's why.

This is (I think) the 3rd season of the X-Factor now and where have the other next big thing's gone? They went NOWHERE, just as when this season draws to an end one night close to Christmas, they'll be winner, a star for a night, and much like stars, they'll disappear as soon as the sun comes up the next day, The fame and fortune promised won't come, but that doesn't matter to Cowell and Co, because the "Sheeple" have already lined his pockets with voting money and if the 'Artist' actually sells any record this is merely an added bonus.

Gareth Gates
Will Young
Michelle McManus
Shayne Ward
Steve Brookstein

None of them have become the 'next big thing' but I do have a positive message that I believe Simon has for the people of the UK and keeps 'forgetting' to relay, that message is, Thanks for voting! (wink wink)

A Reflection of Monday..... (Reprised #2)

The smallest things, that I'm sure nobody else living in the civilized world would get upset about, seriously get on my nerves and make me ratty.

Aforementioned Diesel Trainers that make my feet look like they have been stamped on are showing signs of being knackered already, just three short weeks after me shelling out £70 odd quid on them.

The sole of the trainer is starting to come away from the main part of the shoe already, now I wouldn't mind so much if I wore them every single day or had been kicking footballs around on the concrete etc but I haven't!

"JUST TAKE THEM BACK" - That's what you're saying as you stare at the screen, yes I should really but I have a choice:-

Do I stick them myself or do I head back to town and face the friendly retail assistant on rocket propelled wheels?

This shouldn't really be too difficult a choice, since I'm suffering from yesterdays football and drinking session, and I've got a fuse as short as Ronnie Corbett, so I think I'll apply what little artistic talent that I have got to botching the repair with some lock tight superglue, rather then go in to USC and risk the overly sarcastic and arse kissing "Hi Ya" I'm likely to get, when all I want to do is shout at them for selling shoddy tat that falls apart after 3 weeks.

Twelve O'Clock Kick Off........

.....and I don't mean the game kicks off at twelve either, this was the nugget of information that made my eyebrows merge with my hair line, on Tuesday night when I was told that's what time I should be at the pub for, now I hold my hands up to the fact I am a pathetic all day drinker, if I started drinking at twelve, I'd probably be in the emergency room by 8pm so I've declined this offer to 'get started nice and early'

Well, it's 12:10 and here I am, blogging, between trying to find something to iron for an afternoon/evening of football and drinkies.

As you can see already, the whole "Body is a temple" shit, has taken a back seat today, whilst the red half of Manchester are in town, and like many many football fans round the country I loathe Man Yoo with a passion, it's certainly not jealousy, but even the mere thought of the away end today being full of people that pulled on their fresh-out-of-the-packet Man Ure shirt, before making the short trip from their homes in and around town to Vicarage Road makes me feel quite sick!

What am I expecting today? Well, not much and I think this is always a good approach to take when the chips are stacked against you, all I can tell you is that by around about 7pm I'll probably be quite hideously drunk, I hope the three points stay in town, but after what happened when Fulham went to Man Who? last week, I suspect 'drunk' is all I'll be getting today, rather then the 3 points we desperately need.

I've not been out in a while, a combination of pure laziness, engagement parties, on call and several of the lads not being bothered to get a pass, so I'm really looking forward to catching up with all of them.

Just going back to the whole "Body is a temple" thing for a moment, I went to the gym Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday this week and for the latter 3 days of that week I was in complete agony after working muscles that obviously haven't moved since I last bothered to pick up weights, but I'm pleased with my level of commitment and not once did I sit there at five to five in the afternoon and consider knocking it on the head. I'll have to work even harder next week I think, I had eleven 'social pints' during last weeks working hours, plus god knows how many will go down my gullet along with nasty 'shots' of various spirits during the course of today, I suspect I'll negate all the work I put in this week, just gone.

I'll try not to dwell on that too much, after all, I could step off the curb and get flattened next week!

As Wayne Campbell would say, Party on!

Weight on my mind .......

Ok, I've looked better, that's a fact!

But it's been about 3 years since I was really happy with how I looked, back then I was pretty much convinced that if I didn't have a pumped up torso and big arms, I wasn't going to get a look-in.

So I bust my balls for what seemed like years ingesting all sorts of nasty protein shakes and potions to burn fat and build muscle and I got there, for once I was really pleased with what I saw in the mirror.

It made absolutely no difference as far as women were concerned though, met a nice girl one day, got happy, got fat.

So here I am again, looking in to the mirror, no woman by my side (again) and I'm not overly keen on what I can see. The gym is a really poor choice for boosting my social life, I truly hate it, but I'm getting zero exercise at the moment and I'm consuming chocolate and fizzy pop and beer like it's going out of fashion, hence why Goodyear are considering using my waist line to advertise their latest tyre!

So, mind made up then, I'm going back to being completely and utterly vain! Every night in the gym after work and back on Cyclone, this horrible disgusting mix of protein and other 'legal' steroids turns pathetic weedy statures in to something a little more 'beefed up' in under 3 months - on the downside, a friend of mine once described it as making him want to "rape and pillage".

I plan to try and keep the hard work up this time, I worked out from January this year till April and although I wasn't trying to increase my size or muscle proportion I was trying to shift my weight from a hefty 14 stone down to 12.5 stone.

By the time I actually manage to get myself in the sort of shape I had some years ago, we should be well in to December, and I'll be wearing zippers and big coats everywhere........what's the bloody point eh?

A Holiday....

Well, this isn't what I expected! It's not the sandy beaches and palm trees that adorn my notice board of destinations and special offers that I'd hoped for, but it IS away from my desk, and I feel like I've been slaving since March when I joined my new team, so anything that involves getting away from there is most welcome.

I am officially the legal guardian of my 14 year old nephew for the week, whilst his mum, step dad and brothers take a break on coast near Devon, At 14, holidaying with parents is "trés uncool!" So my sister had a word in my ear and asked me to move in for the week.

It was non stop Xbox'ing yesterday, hence my need for the 'plug and play kit' mentioned in my earlier blog, Tonight, we've stocked up on crisps, chocolate, fizzy drinks and haribo and the little fella from down the road is kipping over too!

Sadly though, work is never too far from my mind, I'm sat here with my pager next to me on the sofa and half eaten bag of haribo, I usually long for the overtime but this week I really won't mind if the pager stays nice and quiet ......anyway pass me that controller, it's my go! :)

A Reflection of Monday..... (Reprised)

Yesterday (Saturday) I went to USC in Town, turned up my Ipod as usual on approach, found the rack where these shirts were hanging, and selected the next size up.

Smiled at 'helpful' retail assistant, en-route to check out.

At the checkout, I explained that I wished to change this shirt for the next size up, dreading that I'm about to get hit with useless babble, when the overly camp gentleman behind the counter says "Yes sir, no problem - It's useful to remember if you buy a fitted shirt to go for the next size up"

Amazing, useful information for once!

Stuck In the past, with the future out of reach.....

I was lying in the bath earlier contemplating the last six months or so of my life, and I was wondering why I haven't been able to move it on as I'd like.

Certain scenarios have occurred where a fresh outlook has been required, and all it takes would be for me to take that step in to a 'new world' so to speak, but something stops me, I don't know what it is, but something is holding me back and I have no doubt it's costing me in some way, shape or form.

I guess the reason for holding back is that a negative personal experience has effected me more then I have realised, which is strange because I've never really been the sort of person who looks back and feels regret or failure over my chosen path, but this feeling I have is pretty strong and it's definitely something from the past rather then the present or my immediate future.

I remember seeing a film once, I can't remember what it was called or who was in it, but the prominent line in it was "Everything ends badly, or it would never end" and I have to agree with this sentiment, so maybe there is something in the past that's just not sorted out yet and I think I know what it is as well.

Next time an unwanted element from the past appears in my present, for the first time in quite a number of years I'm not going to shrug and just accept that it's here again, I'm going to deal with it, much like this 'invisible barrier' I am feeling in my present, I'm going to knock it down and trample over it, I'm tired of how life is at the moment and it's going to change, even if I have to force it.

Quite an emotional entry as I sit here at 3 am on Sunday morning, It's been quite a tough night, I've been to an Engagement party of a very close friend, I'm overjoyed that they have taken that step towards total commitment to each other, and I sincerely wish them the very best of luck, but I have to say as I looked around that room, I've never felt so alone when surrounded by so many people.

A Reflection of Monday ......

There is a good reason why I wear my "Ipod" when I go shopping, for a start the distasteful music that can be found playing in shopping centres up and down the country, where the only escape (exluding the sanctury of the gents) is to dive in to one of many shops, where I have my ears assaulted further with the latest puerile musical abuse that litters the 'top 40' in this country - "The Top 40", is this possibly the most ironic phrase in this country when we think of music sales?

The "Ipod" serves a more important use, it's there to send a clear message - A clear message that tells the retail shop assistant that I wish to 'browse' in peace, I have no desire to say good morning and engage in pointless babble about how there is some great clothes out at the minute, and judging on their common "funky" dress sense, asking for their help seems a frightening prospect, when it's quite clear they were so ill advised themselves.

The "Ipod" serves as my right to be ignorant towards said member of staff, but in the most inoffensive way, quite often as I approach the retail outlet of my choice I boost the volume on my 'unit' so it's SO loud anyone stood next to or in close proximity to me will be able to tell that if the fire alarm went off, I'd probably continue to 'browse' in blissful ignorance and that shortly I could end up burning to death.

Yet, my "Ipod" blasting out the sort of music that plays on my blog, does not appear to discourage for mentioned retail assistant from attempting 'communication' he or she smiles wide and begins to engage me in what is quite obviously a futile attempt to be my "friend" - latching on to me because they've got programmed tranceivers imbedded in them that tell them I am carrying a gold credit card or a large amount of money of the 'paper' variety. It isn't long though, before a vague look 'falls' over their face, when despite the noise coming from the earphones they've only just cottoned on after 10-12 seconds that I can't hear a single word they are saying. I smile politely as if to say "Don't bother I can't hear you" but much to my dismay, they continue to move their mouths in 'utter silence', all I can hear is 'The Angels', Blink 182, or the Stereophonics and the like - and not the hollow compliments relating to how good my hair looks or where my last pair of shoes came from.

I pull one ear plug out, and unfortunately my friendly "leave me alone" smile has been replaced with a sarcastic "Now try and talk to me" smile.

"Do you need any help at all" I thank them kindly and inform the shop assistant that "I'm just looking", it took alot of going to not ask who's "help" did they enlist when they dressed themselves this morning.

I traipse around the Dartford shopping centre, two hundred quid in my pocket and no idea what to buy - "everything's tat" was my response to a texter, who asked me "how's the shopping going"

As the afternoon wore on, I did manage to part with some money for various things, that I'll come to in a moment, but the final outlet I went in to was USC, now this shop has its good days and bad days, today was a "sort of ok day" for USC, As I walked in to the door I obviously 'tripped' one of the for mentioned transceivers and a helpful retail assistant approached me as if she was on rocket propelled wheels, I vaguely managed to lip read "Can I help you with anything" and obviously not knowing how loud I was speaking due to the sheer volume of my Ipod, I shouted back at her that I was "JUST LOOKING THANKS!".

Within a few minutes I had selected some trendy Diesel trainers that resembled white slippers and I was faced with having to "communicate" with the assistant who was orbiting me like one of Rupert Murdoch’s "Sky" satellites orbiting the planet we reside on, and just like Rupert Murdoch, was equally keen to rip me off.

Hi ya, can I have these in an 8 please, She says "Sure no problem" at the very moment a nice Diesel shirt catches my eye, I hand her the trainer and wanting to get back to browsing in peace I hurriedly stuff the ear plug back in my ear, picking up the shirt at the same time, her final words to me were "You might wanna try that....." the dots represent something but I didn't hear/wasn't interested in what she had to say, it was drowned out by Tom Delonge's dulcet tones and thrashing guitar anyway.

She returned with the trainers and I hurriedly took them off her and sailed towards the counter with the shirt and the trainers, said "no thanks" to the usual extortionate APR store card offer, pointing out that store cards are for skint people - I paid up the amount owing and headed for the car.

What did I come home with:

A new cordless rechargeable mouse - I don't know why, I already have two of them, one is an uncool cable version and the other has flat batteries.

A nice pair of brown shoes - which will go well with a pair of trousers I've got

A pair of diesel trainers that make my feet look like they've been stamped on.

A firetrap t-shirt

An Xbox 360 play and charge kit (required for next week - watch out for relevant blog entry)

And finally a Diesel shirt, which despite being the size I would have bought for any other sort of shirt, feels painfully tight.

I've been sat here for most of the evening thinking about the rest of what the USC shop assistant was trying to say to me, had I of bothered to "hear her out" instead shunning her useless babble by stuffing my ear plug back in my ear - I can't come up with anything really, other then "........on, sometimes they come up a bit small"

Schadenfreude and the conflict of personal Interests...

Schadenfreude:a German word meaning to take pleasure in the misfortune of others.

Well, today some very bad news has come to light, one of my sibblings and their partner has made it known that their personal debt, excluding the mortgage on the property they own totals a MASSIVE £34,000 with only one above average salary and one part time salary to service this debt, They are having serious difficuties meeting these commitments, This has put my parents in the unenviable position of working out how to save them - how did they get in this mess? Well I don't think it matters now to be honest but it's put me in a serious state of conflict over my own affairs, let me explain .....

For many years I have been priced out of the property market, I've still yet to buy my own home - for the best part of seven years I've had to slog my gutts out and scrimp and save towards a house, whilst they rocket further and further out of my reach and with the double kick in the gutts in the form of the pityful rate of interest returned on the money I have sitting in a savings account, which the bank use to lend out to people to buy even more property, pushing the prices even further out of my reach.

I was absoloutly delighted when the Bank of England raised interest rates last week (3 August 2006) shortly, I should be receiving a larger return on my savings and the debt ridden people of the UK will be shown that the party has to end sooner or later and with global rates pushing up and inflation pushing way above "official" targets, I believe there is going to be a bloody financial massacre in the very very short term. I'll take great pleasure from seeing all those people who bought buy-to-let investments, or stupidly over stretched themselves because they were told "Property only ever goes up in value" or used equity release to fund that M series BMW or even a further property to add to their "Portfolio" not to mention the endless gadgets for the home that they should have saved up for, meltdown is nothing more then they deserve in my opinion.

Property Speculation, is a social injustice, it's that simple, and it looks like the scales are now finally tipping from the "Have's" to the "Have not's" - I feel the end of the current economic cycle is on the horizon.

But I now fear for the people closest to me, who have made bad choices which has led, as per my opening paragraph to one of my nearest and dearest now being sat on the knife edge, where I don't even think my parents can save them from, they need interest rate cuts and lots of them to save themselves, but that would be at the cost of me ever being able to make some sort of life for myself, as cuts in interest rates mean less money in my pocket and once again, soaring property prices.

So we come full circle, back to the original title of this entry: "Schadenfreude and the conflict of personal Interests"

A new direction...

Welcome to my blog.

I've never really shared what's going on in my head before, and I can't guarantee what I write will be particularly interesting, but I'll try and cover all sorts of subjects and I'm happy to listen to any opinions that are offered on life and anything else you feel you want to say or suggest I cover in a future entry, so feel free to make a comment. I'll kick off with my first entry real soon and then I'll try and aim for a weekly update, so keep checking back for the latest on my life and the World According To Me.