I'm not averse to doing favors for friends, but last night I think I probably should have said I was on call out or already doing something.
I went to a fairly local Greek Restaurant, with a female friend of mine, because I had a favor off her the other month when I wanted to go and see the gore-fest that is SAW III at the cinema and had no one to go with (or no one that could stomach it more like!!) so she was entitled to ask for a favor in return.
So we had a drink in the pub across the road from the restaurant, waiting for a phone call from the hostess which duly came about 7.50pm, we finished up the drinks and trotted over the road, now my friend said to me this was a birthday party, but it was alot more then that - it was a get together of performing arts friends! Oh god, what a combination! A systems analyst in the company of 'Lovies' as I like to call them.
I was introduced to so many people and each time all I could do was put a great big smile on my face and say "HI YA!" with intense enthusiasm, when the only thing in my mind at that moment was "I've got nothing in common with you, but it's nice to meet you anyway!"
So, the menu.....£25 a head and I have to say I don't think I've ever felt so hard done by in my entire life, first up was grilled ham (didn't go down well with the Jewish couple sat opposite me) with some weird cheese on it (pushed to the side of the plate by me) a lettuce leaf and a quarter of a tomato (exiled along with the cheese). I done quite well out of this particular course, mainly because I scored the unwanted ham from the plates of couple sat opposite me, in a way I couldn't help but snigger to myself, I mean everyone ordered their own food before they arrived, so how they managed to order a grilled ham starter I'll never know!
An hour had passed, it took me all of 90 seconds to put away my starter and there were still guests that had failed to arrive, which was holding up the main course, I have to say I don't think I've felt so out of place anywhere in my life, I felt like Saddam Hussein at the Nobel Peace Prize awards, and a night out when you're feeling like this is a very slow one - since I'd opted to drive, I didn't have the luxury of just getting pissed and making the best of it.
The remaining stragglers arrived at around half nine in the evening, and the main courses promptly arrived about ten minutes after, I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I knew for £25 this plate was going to have more food on it then I could possibly eat, and I was likely to be chomping my way through it for quite some time.
9.50pm - I've just put down my knife and fork, I stare depressingly at my plate which is now empty and question whether or not I had just eaten a precursor to the main course, or was that really it!? It was grilled chicken pieces and rice, with a side of salad on a plate smaller then any other plate I've ever seen when eating out.
Had I really eaten 2/3rds of my £25 a head meal? I think for once I was being the optimist in life, in reality though I was just trying to kid myself.
The Greek music was pumping by this time and I'm pretty sure if I had been off my nut I'd have been having a fantastic time, the waiters were doing their rounds of the tables trying to get people up and dancing, now I like a groove from time to time and dare I say I'm quite a decent dancer, but there is simply no way (despite my friend telling the waiters that I'd love to come up and dance) I was getting out of my seat, I'm clearly not drunk for a start and looking at the willing volunteers on the dance floor, I was likely to be in the minority when it came to the level of intoxication required to make an asshole of one's self.
Hang on, what's going on!? There I am smiling away and clapping in time to the music, the nights hit a new low, I'm not drunk but I'm 'enjoying' myself. I had to admire the fitness of the two waiters up there strutting their stuff, the whole Greek dancing thing has a lot of kicking in the air karate-kid style but being the person I am, I'm sitting there thinking how funny it would be if the woman at the table closest to the commotion got a foot in the Chevy Chase! The moment was brought to an end in spectacular fashion with the plate smashing, another thing learned from this evening though had to be without doubt, human beings passion for destruction just watching people hurling plates at the floor with such venom and hatred in their faces confirms to me that we'll always take so much more pleasure in destroying things rather then creating things (Sex for procreation aside of course).
I'm fast forwarding now, because for the next hour and a half or so, I can't remember anything actually happening apart from my text checking and clock watching, we left around midnight and I dropped my friend home and went in for my cup of tea, which didn't come for a further hour as I had to sit through a dvd of the latest show, I know I should show an interest in what people like to do but this was like having my teeth pulled, she was clearly so drunk that her hearing was affected as the TV was up so loud that I don't think her neighbors will be in the least bit upset if she decides to move house in the near future, she was bounding round the room in a "look at me fashion" and at one point I thought she was likely to go through the coffee table, I encouraged her to sit down and watch rather then re-enact the dvd as it was playing on the television.
I can't hold it back anymore, this is the key to the end of the night ........the biggest yawn I've done all day, I thank my friend for a nice evening out and head for the door, dispensing some good friendly advice on how to avoid a nasty headache in the morning.
As the evening went, out of all the people I actually met, only one person asked me what I done for a living, or was remotely interested in me, that conversation was probably the shortest I've ever had, with the smile on her face and enthusiasm in her eyes, I have the distinct feeling she was thinking "I've got nothing in common with you, but it's nice to meet you anyway!"